20+ ways to be supportive to a deaf person

1. Do make sure that your speech, and if possible that of others, is adequately loud, but do not shout. The technique is to project your voice. Shouting always comes across as aggressive, which makes deaf people feel that they are a nuisance. (For more information, start with the page on sound level.)
2. As the position of the deaf person relative to a speaker can make all the difference to whether a voice sounds loud enough, do be considerate about this. (I prefer social interaction to take place sitting round a table, rather than on easy chairs, because that way the separation between people is less. I also like to sit in the front row in talks and other presentations. That way I usually hear speakers, unless they seriously mumble or move around, but sadly I never hear the questions from the back of the room.). (For more information, start with the page on sound level.)
3. Separate words. This automatically seems to make them seem clearer. Speaking slowly does not have the same effect. (For more information, start with the pages on pitch and distortion.)
4. Wait for a quiet environment before trying to converse. This may not be as easy as it sounds, as anyone with normal hearing automatically 'filters out' everyday noises such as traffic or radio, so hardly notices when they are there. Someone with unbalanced hearing cannot do this and cannot therefore concentrate on a conversation. (I cannot, for example, interact meaningfully in a car against a background of road and engine noise.)
5. Make sure that the deaf person knows the topic of the discussion and don't change it without making sure that that they know, but without being patronising. (For more information, start with the page on pitch.)
6. As people with unbalanced hearing tend to get used to ignoring the odd sounds around them, make sure that deaf people are attending to you before trying to talk to them. Even calling their name from across a room may not help. Make sure they can see you, and smile or gesture, or go over to them and touch them on the shoulder before starting to speak. (For more information, start with the page on unbalanced hearing.)
7. Try to find out what it is in a spoken sentence that a deaf person can't pick up - probably the beginnings and ends of words or most of the speech of someone with a speaking voice that is perceived as unusual. Then react accordingly. If it is a simple keyword that is causing the trouble, find another way of putting what you want to say. (For more information, start with the page on pitch.)
8. Never open a new conversation while another is going on. It never ceases to amaze me how often people do this. Even when I have made sure that a group will not be of more than four people before agreeing to be part of it, and even after saying at the outset, "I'm sorry, I can't cope with more than one conversation at a time", some people just can't keep quiet to listen to someone else talking. Even when I remind them, they just say, "Sorry, I forgot", but then do exactly the same thing a few minutes afterwards. I have no alternative but to opt out of attempting to interact with them in the future, which is a pity. (For more information, start with the page on unbalanced hearing.)
9. Never make joking asides. Although normal hearers may not realise it, these always seem to be made in stage whispers. Everyone except the deaf person hears them; everyone laughs at the joke and the deaf person has no idea why. Can you imagine how this must feel?
10. If you have a regional accent that the deaf person may be unfamiliar with, let them get used to it before you say anything of any significance. (For more information, start with the page on pitch.)
11. Although starting a conversation with a question is a good strategy with normal hearers, avoid it with a deaf person. First let the deaf person get used to the rhythm and intonation of your voice, by making throw-away remarks on innocuous topics like the weather, or talking with someone else while well within the range of the deaf person. (For more information, start with the page on pitch.)
12. When a deaf person doesn't hear you making a casual 'throw-away' remark, e.g. about the weather, move nearer or speak more loudly / clearly and either repeat what you said or smile and say, something like, "I was only really talking to myself". Don't say, "It doesn't matter". This is interpreted as "You don't matter enough for me to bother to try to make you understand".
13. If at all possible, alert others to the needs of a deaf person who may think that it is inconsiderate to "keep on" about their own problems. Or of course the deaf person may be embarrassed if you speak for them. So, some negotiation in advance on this may be in order.
14. Be supportive in gatherings that the deaf person knows will be difficult but really wants to attend, like for example the wedding of a family member. Locate a quiet room where the deaf person can retire to at intervals if they wish. This probably involves some negotiation in advance, both with the deaf person and the manager of the venue. (For more information, start with the page on unbalanced hearing.)
15. At a large dinner party, find the deaf person a suitable seating position at table. (I seem to find background noise and other people's conversations somewhat more bearable when they are in front of me rather than behind me and when not reflected directly back at me. So I prefer outdoor gatherings where I can move between small widely spaced groups. Indoors I prefer to sit on the edge of a gathering and by an open door or archway.) It may be that a deaf person has never thought about optimum seating positions in a social situation. So try to help them to think about it and if necessary have a word with the manager of the venue in advance. (For more information, start with the page on unbalanced hearing.)
16. Do not put pressure on a deaf person to attend a social gathering against their will on the mistaken assumption that they need to get out more or it will be all right when they are there. They know themselves better than you do. (For more information, start with the page on social gatherings.)
17. If you really think that the deaf person will be able to cope (because, for example, the gathering is a garden party, out-of-doors), explain in advance to the deaf person why you think it will be all right. Then point out that you will do everything you can to support them - by reminding others of their needs where appropriate and giving them an entry into groups with whom they are likely to be able to interact. (For more information, start with the page on social gatherings.)
18. Make sure that the younger generation understands the needs of a particular deaf person. Many older people are deaf and the people they probably care about most in all the world are their grandchildren. Yet children have difficult high-pitched voices; they use new words that older people wouldn't understand anyway even if they could hear them; and they dart around changing their positions. They simply don't understand deafness without guidance. (For more information, start with the pages on social gatherings and about hearing problems.)
19. Someone with mild sound sensitivity that has developed over the years may not even realise that they have it. You can recognise them from their facial expressions when certain sounds occur, although you may just think that they are trying to be amusing. A sure sign of more severe sensitivity is how they use a television controller. The fingers of someone with severe sound sensitivity seldom stray far from the volume control which they adjust constantly as the sounds change. (I have worn out several over the years, way before the television itself needed replacement.) (For more information, start with the page on sensitivity to sound.)
20. Watching television with a member of the family who is sensitive to sound can be annoying to anyone with normal hearing, as the sound level keeps changing as the volume control keeps being readjusted. You need to decide if you are prepared to go along with this or need to get a separate television for another room. It is pointless and unkind to expect the person concerned to keep listening without tampering with the volume control. (For more information, start with the page on sensitivity to sound.) If of course the problem is deafness without sensitivity, various aids are available commercially.
21. When you notice situations in which loud noise may be about to occur (like someone picking up a microphone or about to bang a drum) do alert the person with the sensitivity so that they have time to block up their ears. They may otherwise not notice until too late. (For more information, start with the page on sensitivity to sound.)
22. If the person with sound sensitivity is close family, with whom you would like to share a social life, their problem may, unfortunately, mean developing your own separate social network with whom you can enjoy environments which they cannot. (For more information, start with the page on sensitivity to sound.)

Also check out the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) and see the strategies by which deaf people can help themselves.