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Coming to terms with your deafness

We live in a time when equal opportunities for the disabled is high on the agenda. That should count in our favour, because, simply put, deafness is a disability. It is, however, an invisible one, so the onus is on us and those who support us to express our needs in a polite but matter-of-fact way and to expect others to take reasonable steps to meet them. Just as wheelchair access in buildings is expected for those who can't manage steps, so we have a right to expect, for example, that suitably located seating is made available for us and that others speak in such a way that we are most likely to understand. We shouldn't start by assuming, as so many of us do, that we are a nuisance. If we are, then so are countless other disabled people. Neither should we assume that people understand our needs without our telling them.

All this is easier said than done:

One problem is to admit to ourselves that we are, in fact, disabled. Where deafness has crept up on us gradually over the years, we have probably tried to hide it. I used to rely on all sorts of strategies, such as, "Sorry I missed that because of the noise of the dishwasher / fridge / postman / etc" - always said while moving nearer to the person speaking. When I wasn't quite so deaf, this strategy worked, but nowadays I have to admit the truth: I have a disability and that disability is called deafness. Once we face up to the situation, some of us will get ourselves hearing aids which, if we are lucky, will solve the problem. But they don't for me and they don't for countless other people - see the page on my own hearing problems. Then we have to accept that we have to take whatever steps are appropriate to live with our disability.

We don't only have to change our own attitudes. We have to change other people's attitudes too, and changing existing attitudes is always more difficult than stimulating fresh ones. Consequently I have found that new acquaintances seem to be more able to meet my hearing needs than longstanding friends and certain members of my family. This is because people who have known me for many years can't quite seem to understand that my hearing is now so much worse than it used to be. It can be very difficult indeed to make them appreciate that things really have taken such a turn for the worse that a new approach from them is urgently needed. For a start, it takes a long time to explain all the issues. It should help to have a look at the page on explaining needs. 

If people with normal hearing can be encouraged to learn something about hearing problems, it may surprise them and nudge them into doing more to be supportive.

Outstanding questions on coping strategies for the deaf

There is always the problem of what to do if we have done everything we can to explain our needs, yet those around us seem to take no notice, either because they "forget" or because the priorities of the moment dwarf our particular needs. 

1. Do we accept that we have no option but to look stupid because everyone else is reaching for a pencil / looking out of the window / or whatever and we haven't heard what gave rise to it?

2. Or do we remind everyone of our needs? Having expressed them once, or maybe twice, it doesn't seem right to keep on about them, and quite likely there are other things happening that we would accept would take priority if only we were aware of them. For example if a child is whimpering, having just fallen over, it would clearly not be appropriate to insist that everyone's attention should be focussed on us.

3. Do we simply leave the room? That looks as if we are in a huff.

If you have any ideas, please share them.

Hearing problems

Sound level issues
Pitch issues
Distortion issues
Background noise
Pain and sensitivity