"She says 'Speak up' and then, when I do, she says 'No need to shout!"

If you have you ever made or felt like making this sort of remark about a deaf person, it would probably help for you to understand what lies behind it.

The trouble here is that the deaf person has probably never analysed her own needs in order to communicate them meaningfully.

She probably doesn't mean "Speak up", but "Speak more clearly and possibly a bit more loudly". Then, when the speaker makes the common mistake of shouting, her, "No need to shout" probably means, "There's no need to sound so aggressive about it!".

The solution is for both individuals to read the pages on hearing problems starting with the one on loudness and to work out how to explain their needs calmly and unemotionally. The person doing the 'shouting' probably does need to speak more loudly, but the chances are that they will also need many of the other strategies on the page about helping interaction.