Hearing problems: interference, background noise and directional problems, 2 of 2

How to help someone with unbalanced hearing

As people with unbalanced hearing tend to get used to ignoring the odd sounds around them, make sure that they are attending to you before trying to talk to them. Even calling their name from across a room may not help. Make sure they can see you and smile or gesture, or go over to them and touch them on the arm or shoulder.

Never open a new conversation while another is going on and do whatever you can to stop anyone else opening a new conversation while another is going on. It never ceases to amaze me how often people do this. Even when I have made sure that a group will not be of more than four people before agreeing to be part of it, and even after saying at the outset, "I'm sorry, I can't cope with more than one conversation at a time", some people just can't keep quiet and listen to what someone else is saying. Even when I remind them, they just say, "Sorry, I forgot", but then do exactly the same thing a few minutes afterwards. I have no alternative but to opt out of attempting to interact with them in the future, which is a pity.

Realise how difficult social situations can be for anyone with unbalanced hearing and do not put pressure on the person concerned to attend if they really don't want to. It can do much more harm than good for them to "get out and meet people" if the result is exhaustion and a lowering of their self-esteem.

Be supportive in gatherings that the deaf person knows will be difficult but really wants to attend, like the wedding of a grandchild. For example:

• Find a suitable seating position at table. (I seem to find background noise and other people's conversations somewhat more bearable when they are in front of me rather than behind me and when they are not reflected directly back at me. So outdoor gatherings are ideal where one can move between small widely spaced groups. Indoors the edge of a gathering is preferable to the midst of it, and by an open door or archway is better still.) It may be that a deaf person has never thought about optimum seating positions in a social situation. So try to help them to think about it and if necessary have a word with the manager of the venue in advance.
• Locate a quiet room or corridor where the deaf person can retire to at intervals. Depending on the venue this too can involve a few words in advance with the venue's manager.